The Psychology of a Liar in a D/s relationship…Fortunes Perspective
This is going to be a long and farily unorganized posting. I’m purging an event and vomitting it here to rid myself of it permanently. So here we go…hold on to your hat.
A year ago, a young man visited me under a personal foot fetish time. He would visit regularly (2-3 times a week), take out the trash, paint my toes, rub my feet. Over the course of a year, I have spent more time with him than anyone in my pro world and more than most in my personal world. Over all these visits, we have shared great detail of our ongoing lives, stories of our personhood…over time. He has revealed himself naturally, as did I. We had many many laughs and I’ve grown from knowing him.
He has performed countless chores, errands, pedicures, massages, and has even come to know my close family members and friends. Recently, he was progressing to requesting more BDSM related activities and I have been grooming him for chastity and session involvement. He has been in daily contact at for many many months and I’ve grown to enjoy his assistance.
While exploring a more accurate D/s relationship, he has shared with me a deep desire for discipline/punishment. I have noticed over the past year that he intentionally makes “mistakes” doing errands, etc so he can enjoy being “in trouble”. In the beginning, I thought perhaps he just wasnt the brightest lightbulb, but I quickly realized that he subtley manipulates situations so that he can be “in trouble”. In Feb/Mar, my reaction to one of these situations was to remove all contact for a few weeks. I ignored him for a period of time as a discipline. Then, he made amends for the original infraction and we were back to normal. He continued doing his chores at the batcave several times a week. Then…he drops a bombshell. While I was ignoring him, he visited another ProDomme (or what he thought to be at any rate, shes not really).
Initially, I was shocked. As I thought about it, I realized I hadn’t told him that he was being punished and he didnt know WHY I was ignoring him during that period…OK, I kinda get why he might go see someone. I let it pass. I shared with him my concern that he was very quick to visit another Pro…and I shared with him my concern that he didnt tell me about it immediately when we reconnected after a few weeks. Concern begins…here.
Over the next couple of months, I begin once again asking lots of questions (like you do when you first meet someone) and begin matching answers. I start looking at his daily schedule/activities and watching for patterns. I begin witholding personal/intimate information in our conversations. He continues to visit as usual every other day and communicate daily. Things seem normal enough.
Then a couple of weeks ago…a former Pro Domme from Phx, who moved to Las Vegas a year ago, calls Noir for an unrelated business matter and during this conversation reports that this same man was her COLLARED submissive for quite some time and was never UNCOLLARED!!!! What? No Way…oh WAY. She calls him up on 3 way with Noir and sure as shit…its true.
Obviously, I’m shocked by this. All the times I asked him in the past who/what/where he’s done…lies. Hes been collared for shits sake. LIES. ALOT OF LIES OVER A YEAR.
Ok…so she (the previous ProDomme) “dismisses” him on the phone. Shes got no more part of it. Right?
I “discipline” him via Spanking for his lying. He becomes ever so very attentive for the past two weeks, doing all his chores etc. on time and with flair. I explain that due to his lies, he’s going to have to be in chastity to be in service to me. At least that would be one thing that I could begin to believe him again on. I would know when I ask him “have you masturbated?” and he said, “no” I would know for sure hes telling me the truth. I could maybe build trust from that…who knows.
Yesterday, He tells me, the previous ProDomme continues to text him and contacting him via Facebook. So, I email her…she says “Nah Holly, I’m done with that shit.”
Then…tonight….a woman calls me screaming at me that I am “ruining” a 7 year relationship between her and HIM. Huh? That’s right folks…hes also got a girlfriend. Wow.
So, in summary, his man has casually lied to me continuously for a YEAR. He has lied so easily…in daily conversation on a level only a true mentally ill person can do. Diagnosable. And here’s the kicker…as I sit here and write it out, think it over…I’m pretty sure that he has created these situations with the hope of getting caught. He’s not the playa playa liar, no. He’s the Discipline relationship liar. It all comes back to his need for discipline. He hopes to get caught and be disciplined. Im sure of it.
Here’s the problem with that: he has impacted several lives, including mine, with the long standing drama of having a “scene” acted out over time without my consent. I have been a player in his D’s relationship scene/year long session (getting caught being bad) without my consent to play.
He’ s probably fully enjoying an ass whuppin from his girlfriend right now as I blog this. He’s pretending to be miserable no doubt, and yet relieved he’s been caught, and probably has a huge hardon from being chastised, ridiculed, yelled at, hit, etc. by his super pissed GF (insert angry mother role). She probably has no insight into his discipline need…and figures hes just a cheating BF.
So, even though I can analyze this with little emotion (years of investigating trauma leads to emotional paralysis), I just found out that someone within my personal intimate circle is a complete liar. I’m going to miss his chore doing ability. Since I’m already highly isolative…this will no doubt cause a further disconnect for me and other people. Great. I’m already too guarded. Awesome.
I have learned from this experience. I thank him for that.