“We” do this…and “They” do that…means nothing to “I”
As you all know…I’m an online information stalker. I spend a ridiculous amount of time observing the kink community, escort community, blogs, online news sites, endless hours. It’s compulsive..a need. Often, I encounter postings on message boards that make me think…really?
Recently I discovered a BDSM section on TER, who knew? Its not very active…and of course I had to read it all the way back to the first entry…some interesting stuff, some not so interesting stuff. But something glared out at me here that I’ve seen elsewhere, this need we women have to distinguish ourselves from the “other” women by assigning some sort of hierarchy and value to what we “do”. I see this across the board…massage girls, hookers, escorts, Dommes…all seem to have a need to seperate and judge each other according to what they “do”. Another thing that burns me is when advice is given as “should” and “should not”. Nothing is always or never true, absolutes just dont exist in human beings…
Anyone ever get really into a subject on Fetlife and then the safety police come and ruin your hardon? Thats what I’m talkin about.
I’m reading this thread http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/viewmsg.asp?MessageID=1553&boardID=55&page= about a lady wanting to learn to be a Domme… and I read some things I dont understand…. (and Kiley, please dont feel attacked/that wasnt my intention, I just dont understand why what is “right” for one MUST be “right” for all)
So, late in the night and probably with too much attitude…I felt inclined to post this on TER:
I have to say…I just am SO tired of how some Dommes nationally say BDSM isnt about sex, at all, ever, if it’s being done “correctly”. I’ve spent countless hours/days/weeks/years reading websites, writings, postings on fetlife and other discussion forums, reading reading reading…and you know what I’ve realized? Its exactly how legit LMTs ($40hr???) distance themselves from happy ending massage parlours ($100hr+???) and call everyone but themselves a whore. Exactly the same thing in my opinion. There are those hugely successful Dommes who advertise only pure forms of bondage, discipline, etc… and then there are those EQUALLY respected Dommes who tie men down, and rape them, get them hard and use them for her own pleasure(and dont we have one of the MOST successful here in southern AZ? yes we do). Guess who makes the most $… I have my own guesses.
I have a really hard time with rigid rules, that is… anyone’s rules but my own. WHO is on the official BDSM higher council? I’d like to pose a few questions to that council. When I was new…it seemed so confusing, all these hardcore women who APPEAR to not give a consideration to touching a cock, disdain for them even. I thought that was how it MUST be, for the REAL female dominants said so! Then I realized… its clever and direct marketing tactics. Find what YOU want to do, market it as if its the ONLY true way…and bully everyone around with tales of how the other group is whoredom. What total nonsense.
So then forcing a man to orgasm while in completely restrictive bondage after repeatedly bringing him close and refusing him over and over for a period of hours…which group does that belong to? Does it matter if she uses her hand, mouth, toys? How about that moment when I can control everything in his body with one fingertip in his ass and enjoy making him cum so hard and long hes too weak to stumble out? Does it matter if he’s gotten a spanking first? What about the fact that I feel my MOST powerful when I control his orgasm? Do my particular interests influence the RULES for what is real and fake FemDommery? What if, as does happen all the time, a guy cums during a hardcore CP scene? Does that Domme who followed all the rules lose her crown?
I decided my first day to define myself as I wish, and so far I havent gotten a summons from the higher council to discuss my breaking the Domme rules because… its all bullshit. A true dominant does not need external morality and safety policing, she walks her own path and cares not what others label it as.
As far as not switching in the same scene. Why is this a rule? Because it would be like being under the influence? eh? I’ve only switched with one person, my favorite all time player, and we’ve taken an entire afternoon/evening with an intermission to switch roles (and costumes) MANY times. I guess it all depends on whether its “work” or fun. I would say…I always Domme last because after he’s been teased and emptied he needs a snack and a nap. I guess we’re “just not doing it right”, cuz I’ve never felt like a 10 min smoke break and changing was insufficient, or that I might harm him while under the influence of a previous forced squirting orgasm in bondage of my own.
Ladies…I’m not sure where all the rules are written down, but when you find the Higher BDSM council that puts out the handbook, I dont want to read it. I’m following my common sense and I’m having fun. I personally think we need to support our sisters in following their interests rather than continuing propoganda that limits, confuses, and judges others. “We” do this and “they” do that…has no meaning to “I”.
I really dont mean to be a smartass, or offend anyone, but Im just so over the value judgements of who/what is better/worse in the Domme arena. I stick with Fetishist…that way, I can continue to OWN male orgasms in awesome ways everyday…
Any way you slice it, label it, or lie about it…Female Domination in its current form is still borne from the imagination of the masturbating male…and we women are all the same.
I’ll still be practicing “doing it wrong” cuz Im havin a blast…
Love Me or Hate Me I’m Keepin it Real.
DISCLAIMER: All posts here on my personal blog are descriptions of activities from my PERSONAL life… not indicative of any illegal activities whatsoever. My personal free time is mine to share with whomever I choose, doing whatever I choose. Further, opinions expressed here are MY opinions of communitity actitivies and does not indicate that I particiate in all of those activities. Period.